Scripts saison 8 V.O. |
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Script Saison 8 Episode 19 |
Générique |
Titre US : The One With Joey's Interview
Titre FR : Celui qui se faisait interviewer
Écrit par Doty Abrams
Réalisé par Gary Halvorson
Transcrit par Eric Aasen
Traduit par Guillaume Martin
Fiche détaillée et photos - Titres Saison 8 - Résumé de l'épisode - Script en français
Script V.O. |
Rachel: Hi!
Ross: Hey!
Monica: Hey!
Rachel: So, Im in my apartment doing the Soap Opera Digest crossword puzzle, and guess who the clue is for three down. (She hands the magazine to Joey.)
Joey: (reading) Three down, Days Of Our Lives star blank Tribbiani. Thats me!! Im blank!!
Monica: How cool is this?! We know three down! Im touching three down! (She has her hand on his shoulder.)
Joey: Yeah you are baby.
Monica: Three down knows Im married, whats three down doin?
Rachel: So did they call you to tell you your names gonna be in this?
Joey: No. They really like me over there. They want to do a big profile on me, but I said no.
Ross: Whyd you say no?
Joey: Remember what happened the last time I did an interview for them? I said I write a lot of my own lines, and then the writers got mad and made my character fall down the elevator shaft. So who knows what I might say this time.
Chandler: If only there was something in your head to control the things you say. (Joey nods his agreement.)
Rachel: Oh, come on Joey! You will totally keep it in check this time, and plus yknow the publicity would be really good for your career! And you deserve that! And if you do the interview you can mention, oh I dont know, gal pal Rachel Green?
Chandler: Is that gal pal spelled L-O-S-E-R?
Rachel: Okay, dont listen to him. Please?
Joey: Fine! All right, Ill do it. But hey! You guys have to be at the next table so you can stop me if I yknow, start to say something stupid.
Ross: Just then or-or all the time, cause we-we have jobs yknow.
Rachel: Come on! We will be there for you the whole time! Just remember gal pal Rachel Green. (Excited) Ha-ha! Im gonna be in Soap Opera Digest! And not just in the dumb crossword puzzle. (Looks at Joey.) Seriously, proud of you.
Joey: Yeah.
The Interviewer: I really appreciate you taking the time to do this.
Joey: Oh, not at all. Happy to do it.
[Cut to the rest of the gang sitting low on the couch and craning their necks to watch the interview.]
Monica: (To Chandler) You think were being obvious?
Chandler: No, were just four people with neck problems. You talk like this. (Out of the sides of their mouths.)
[Cut to the interview.]
The Interviewer: (To Joey) Yknow I think its great you wanted to meet here. Yknow when most people hear the magazine is paying for it they want to go to a big fancy restaurant.
Joey: (laughs) Actually, I didnt know the magazine was paying for it. Wouldnt have mattered, Im doing this for the fans, not for the free food.
Gunther: Can I get you anything?
The Interviewer: Umm, Ill have a cup of coffee.
Joey: And Ill have all the muffins.
[Cut to the gang.]
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
Ross: Shhh! Were not talking.
Phoebe: Oh. Finally! Oh. (Sits back in relief.)
[Cut to the interview.]
The Interviewer: So, according to your bio, youve done quite a bit of work before Days of Our Lives. Anything youre particularly proud of?
[This starts a series of flashbacks; the first one is from Episode 106: The One With The Butt, Joey is in a play called Freud!.]
Joey: (He goes into a song and dance number)
All you want is a dingle,
What you envy’s a schwang,
A thing through which you can tinkle,
Or play with, or simply let hang...
[The next one is from Episode 304: The One With The Metaphorical Tunnel, Joey is on Amazing Discoveries.]
Host: Folks, has this ever happened to you. You go to the refrigerator to get a nice glass of milk, (Joey is in the background struggling to open a cartoon of milk) and these darn cartons are so flingin’-flangin’ hard to open.
Joey: Oh, you said it Mike. (Rips open the carton and spills milk on the counter) Aw! There’s got to be a better way!
Mike: And there is Kevin.
[Cut forward.]
Mike: This is the first time hes ever used this product, he’s never used this product before, you’re gonna see how easy this is to do. (To Kevin) Go ahead. (’Kevin’ starts using the product, it is a spout that you jab into a paper milk carton so that you don’t have to rip it open.) This works with any milk carton.
Joey: (finishing installing the Milk Master 2000) Wow, it is easy. (Starts to poor the milk) Now, I can have milk everyday.
(The crowd ahhs.)
Lauren: So this is it? Victor?
Joey: Yeah, I guess it is. And so Im gonna get on this spaceship, (Smoke starts pouring in from the ceiling, and a ladder comes down, with flashing, colored lights on the side of it) and Im gonna go to Blargon 7 in search of alternative fuels. But when I return, 200 years from now, youll be long gone. But I wont have aged at all. (Gets on the ladder) So you tell your great-great-granddaughter to look me up, because Adrienne baby Im gonna want to meet her.
(The ladder retracts, taking Joey up into the spaceship for his voyage to Blargon 7.)
Joey: Shh, OK, here I come, here I come. See I’m comin’ to fix the copier, I can’t get to the copier, I’m thinkin’ what do I do, what do I do so I just watch ’em have sex. And then I say, wait, here’s my line, (Joey from TV) you know that’s bad for the paper tray.
Chandler: Nice work my friend.
Joey: Thank you. Wait-wait-wait-wait, you see me again. Hang on, the guy’s butt’s blockin’ me. There I am, there I am, there I am, there I am, there I am
[Cut to the interview.]
Joey: Well, there are so many things, its hard to pick just one.
[Cut to the gang.]
Phoebe: Im gonna get some coffee, anyone want anything?
Rachel: Oh yeah, Id actually love a blueberry muffin and a chamomile tea.
Ross: Uh, double latte, extra foam.
Chandler: And a bagel with only
Phoebe: (interrupting him) I was just being polite!
[Cut to the interview.]
The Interviewer: Okay, how about when youre not working. What do you do in your spare time?
[This starts another series of flashbacks about Joeys hobbies. The first one is from Episode 703: The One With Phoebes Cookies, Rachel is teaching Joey how to sail his boat, the Mr. Bowmont.]
Joey: (drinking a beer) Look at this clown! Just because hes got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river. (Yelling) Get out of the way jackass! (To Rachel) Who names their boat Coast Guard anyway?
Rachel: That is the Coast Guard.
Joey: What are they doing out here? The coasts all the way over there. (Points to the coast.)
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Phoebe: Hey! Check it out! This is unbelievable! Joey has been holding his breath for almost four minutes!
(We see Joey who has puffed up his cheeks and Chandler nonchalantly reaches down and pinches Joeys nose shut. In a few seconds, Joey has to move because hes now forced to actually hold his breath.)
Joey: (To Chandler) Dude! What are yoyou trying to kill me?!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey’s and Ross’s, Chandler is entering and when he closes the door Joey pops his head out of the fort like before, but this time he’s wearing a cowboy hat.]
Chandler: Well, I see you’ve had a very productive day. Don’t you think the cowboy hat is a little much?
Ross: (popping up behind Joey wearing an Indian headdress) Come on, it’s fun!
Chandler: All right! (He joins them in the fort and comes up putting on a bonnet.) Isn’t this a woman’s hat?
Joey: Dude, stop talking crazy and make us some tea!
(Chandler does so.)
Chandler: Yknow what, we have to turn off the porn.
Joey: I think youre right.
(Goes over and picks up the remote.)
Chandler: All right, ready?
Joey: One.
Chandler: Two.
Both: Three.
(Chandler turns off the porn and sets the remote down.)
Joey: Thats kinda nice.
Chandler: Yeah, thats kinda a relief.
Joey: Yeah.
(Pause.)
Chandler: You wanna see if we still have it?
Joey: Yeah.
(Chandler turns on the TV and )
Chandler: FREE PORN!!!
Joey: Yeah!!
Chandler: We have free porn here!!!
[Cut to the interview.]
Joey: In my spare time I uh, read to the blind. And Im also a mento for the kids.(The gang shake their heads.) Yknow a mento, a role model. (Chandler bites his fist to keep from talking.)
The Interviewer: A mento
Joey: Right.
The Interviewer: Like the candy?
Joey: Matter of fact, I do.
(Chandler tries to jump over the couch but everyone stops him.)
The Interviewer: Well umm, another thing our readers always want to know is how our soap stars stay in such great shape. Do you have some kind of fitness regime?
Joey: Uh, we stars just try to eat right and get lots of exercise.
[Another set of flashbacks begin with Episode 521: The One With The Ball, Joey and Ross are throwing a ball around.]
Joey: Wow! You realize that we’ve been throwing this ball, without dropping it, for like an hour?
Ross: Are you serious?!
Joey: Yeah. I realized it about a half-hour ago but I didn’t want to say anything ’cause I didn’t want to jinx it.
Ross: Wow! We are pretty good at this!
Joey: Yeah!
Ross: Hey! We totally forgot about lunch!
Joey: Oh, I-I, I think that’s the first time I ever missed a meal! (Checks his pants.) Yeah, my pants are a little loose!
Chandler: Whats wrong with you?
Joey: Nothing! Well, I-I got this blinding pain in my stomach when I was lifting weights before, then I uh passed out and uh, havent been able to stand up since. But um, I dont think its anything serious.
Chandler: This sounds like a hernia. You have toyou-youGo to the doctor!
Joey: No way! Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything its gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! (Rolls over and shows Chandler.) Why did I have to start working out again? (Looks at the weights he was using.) Damn you 15s!
Rachel: Its a trifle. Its got all of these layers. First theres a layer of ladyfingers, then a layer of jam, then custard, which I made from scratch. [Joey and Ross make impressed faces] Then raspberries, more ladyfingers, then beef sautéed with peas and onions, [Joey and Ross look like somethings wrong.] then a little more custard, and then bananas, and then I just put some whipped cream on top!
[Time lapse, Ross and Joey are eating Rachels disaster.]
Ross: It tastes like feet!
Joey: I like it.
Ross: Are you kidding?
Joey: Whats not to like? Custard? Good. Jam? Good. Meat? Goooooood.
Joey: The fridge broke. I have to eat everything. Cold cuts, ice cream, limesHey, what was in that brown jar?
Chandler: Thats still in there?!
Joey: Not anymore.
Rachel: Oh! Yay! Look! Theres a piece that doesnt have floor on it!
Chandler: Stick to your side!
Rachel: Hey, come on now!
(Joey finishes climbing the stairs and sees them. Chandler and Rachel both stop and look up at him. Joey sits down on the step.)
Joey: (pulls out a fork) All right, what are we havin? (Starts digging in.)
[Cut to the interview.]
Joey: Uhh, I dont believe in these crazy diets yknow, just everything in moderation.
Gunther: Your muffins. (Sets down a huge plate of muffins in front of Joey.)
Joey: Ill take those to go. (To the interviewer) For the kids.
The Interviewer: Oh, I know what I wanted to ask you. You were on the show years ago and then they killed you off. What happened there?
Joey: It was so stupid, I said some stuff in an interview that I shouldnt have said. But believe me, thats not gonna happen today.
The Interviewer: Understood. So, whatd you say back then?
Joey: Well, I said that I (The gang jumps up and interrupts him.)
Joey: You guys, this is Shelley, shes interviewing me for Soap Opera Digest, and Shelley, this are my friends
Rachel: (interrupting him) Hi! Im gal pal Rachel Green, and if you want the dirt, Im the one you come too. This might be Joeys baby (rubbing her stomach), who knows? Im just kiddingSeriously, (leans into the cassette recorder Shelley is using) gal pal Rachel Green.
Ross: (leaning into the recorder as well) Who just lost the respect of her unborn child.
The Interviewer: Umm, Im gonna just go get this warmed up. (She takes her coffee mug up to the counter.)
Joey: Okay.
Monica: Joey! Youre doing great!
Ross: Yeah, so far nothing stupid.
Chandler: Mento?
Joey: No thanks.
The Interviewer: (returning) So, as Joeys friends, is there anything that you guys think our readers ought to know?
Ross: Uh no, no just-just that he is a great guy.
Rachel: (scoffs at him) Yeah, thats gonna get you into Soap Opera Digest. Well I (leans into the microphone again) I would just like to say that Joey truly has enriched the days of our lives.
Phoebe: Umm, I I just think you dont expect someone so hot to be so sweet.
The Interviewer: Oh! I like that. Whats your name?
Phoebe: Umm, Phoebe Buffay.
The Interviewer: How do you spell that? So we can get it right.
Phoebe: Oh okay, its P as in Phoebe, H as in hoebe, O as in oebe, E as in ebe, B as in bee-bee and E as in (In an Australian accent) Ello there mate!
The Interviewer: Great! Well, it was nice meeting all of you.
Ross: Yeah, you too.
Rachel: You too!
Chandler: Thanks.
Monica: Bye. (They resume their previous positions.)
The Interviewer: So it seems like you have a lot of friends, who would you say is your best friend?
[They gang all lean back to listen better, and this starts another series of flashbacks. The first one is from Episode 214: The One With The Prom Video, Rachel has just found the bracelet that Joey gave Chandler, which is after he bought one to replace it.]
Joey: How come you have two?
Chandler: Well this one’s for you.
Joey: Get out.
Chandler: No, I can’t. No-no, listen, I, I know how much this means to you and I also know that this is about more than just jewelry, (Puts bracelet on Joey) it’s about you and me and the fact that we’re (Reading bracelet) best buds.
Joey: Wow, is this friendship? I think so. Check it out, we’re bracelet buddies.
Chandler: That’s what they’ll call us.
Rachel: Oh, Joey! Sorry!
Joey: No thats all right. Dont worry about it.
Rachel: Oh but look! Thats gonna leave a stain!
Joey: Rach! Hey! Its fine! Youre at Joeys!
Rachel: Really?
Joey: Yeah! Look! (He throws some of his spaghetti on the floor.)
Rachel: Ive never lived like this before.
Joey: I know.
(Rachel throws some of hers down.)
Joey: All right, dont waste it, I mean its still food. (He picks it up and eats it.)
Ross: All right I’ve been feeling incredibly guilty about this, because I wanna be a good friend, and damnit I am a good friend. So just, just shut up and close your eyes (kisses Joey).
Joey: Wow, you are a good friend, ’course the audition was this morning, and I didn’t get it. But that was a hell of a kiss. Rachel is a very lucky girl.
Joey: All right. Let’s get the contestants out of their isolation booths. (He removes the waste bucket that’s over the duck and the laundry basket that’s over the chicken.) And they’re off! (He puts his foot in front of the chick, stopping it from moving.)
Phoebe: Get your foot off my contestant! Judge!
Joey: Judge rules, no violation.
Phoebe: Ohhh.
Joey: And the duck gets the Nutter-Butter!
Phoebe: (turning from Ross.) No!! Hey-hey that’s not a Nutter-Butter, that’s just an old Wonton!
Joey: Judge rules, Nutter-Butter.
Phoebe: Ohh, tough call.
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Id seen this thing on The Discovery Channel...
Ross: Wait a minute! I saw that! On The Discovery Channel, yeah! About jellyfish and how if you... (Stops suddenly and turns to look at Monica) Ewwww!! You peed on yourself?!
Phoebe and Rachel: Ewwww!!
Monica: You cant say that!! You-you dont know!! I mean I thought I was gonna pass out from the pain! Anyway I-I tried, but I-I couldnt...bend that way. So... (Looks at Joey.)
Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel: (turning to look at Joey) Ewwww!!
Joey: Thats right I stepped up! Shes my friend and she needed help! And if I had too, Id pee on anyone of you!
[Cut to the interview.]
Joey: Umm, no. No best friend, no. Just a lot of close friends.
The Interviewer: So umm, now back to the show. How does it feel to have a huge gay fan base?
Joey: Really? Me? Wow! I dont even know any huge gay people!
[Cut to the gang.]
Chandler: It hurts me. It physically hurts me.
[Cut to the interview.]
The Interviewer: Now, off the record, youre not
[Another group of flashbacks begin with Episode 513: The One With Joeys Bag. Joey is carrying the bag and has entered Central Perk to the amusement of Ross and Chandler.]
Joey: What? Are you referring to my man’s bag? At first, I thought it just looked good, but it’s practical too. Check it out! It’s got compartments for all your stuff! Your wallet! Your keys! Your address book!
Ross: Your make-up!
Ross: Okay. Now-now-now should I climb down your front so were face to face or-or should I climb down your back so were-were butt to face.
Joey: I think face to face.
Ross: I would say that.
Joey: Face to face, yeah!
Ross: Okay, here I go.
Joey: All right.
(Ross steps onto the bottom rung of the ladder and then steps on Joeys chest.)
Joey: (grunting) Oh my How much do you weigh Ross?!
Ross: I prefer not to answer that right now, Im still carrying a little holiday weight.
(Ross continues to climb down. He puts his other foot further down on Joeys torso, but that doesnt work very well and hes forced to wrap his legs around Joey. Which then forces Joey to get a nice and close view of Rosss crotch.)
Joey: Yknow, when we talked about face to face, I dont think we thought it all the way through.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is sitting on the couch as Joey enters strutting.]
Joey: Hey Pheebs! (He sits down next to her.)
Phoebe: Hey!
Joey: Check it out. (He turns around, pulls down his pants, and shows Phoebe that hes got panties on.) How much of a man am I?!
Phoebe: Wow! Nice! Manly and also kind of a slut.
Chandler: Youre turning into a woman.
Joey: No Im not. Why would you say that? Thats just mean.
Chandler: Now Ive upset you? What did I say?
Joey: Its not what you said. Its the way you said it Oh My God, Im a woman!!!
[The next one is from Episode 706: The One With The Nap Partners.]
Joey: Great nap.
Ross: It really was.
(Suddenly Rachel clears her throat and the camera cuts to the rest of the gang staring at them. Needless to say Joey and Ross are shocked and slowly turn their heads to see the gang.)
[Cut to the interview.]
Joey: Uh me? Gay? No! No. No, but I have a number of close friends who are. (Chandler and Ross look at each other.)
The Interviewer: So, lets talk about women. Im sure our female readers will be interested to know about your romantic life.
Joey: Oh-oh-oh-oh, how I do it is, I look a woman up and down and say, "Hey, how you doin?"
Phoebe: Oh, please!
Joey: (to Phoebe) Hey, how you doin?
(Phoebe looks at him, and then giggles and looks away.)
[Scene: The street, Joey is messing with a car cover and still wearing the Porsche stuff. This guy playing street football catches a pass next to the car cover Joey is fooling around with.]
Joey: Hey! How you doin?
Woman: (to her friend) He has the most amazing Porsche under there!
Joey: Id love to show ya, but I just tucked her in. Shes sleeping. (The women both laugh) Hey uh, would you two girls like to go for a drink? (Just then the same guy with the football dives to make a catch, lands on the car cover, and collapses it. It turns out that Joey set up a bunch of boxes to make it look like a Porsche.)
Woman: Hi, is Rachel here? Im her sister.
Rachel: Oh my God, Jill!
Jill: Oh my God, Rachel!
(They run and hug each other.)
Chandler: Oh my God, introduce us!
Rachel: This is Chandler. (Points at him.)
Jill: Hi!
Rachel: And you know Monica and Ross!
Ross: Hi Jill.
Rachel: And thats Phoebe (points), and thats Joey.
Joey: Hey, (in the Joey voice) how you doin?
Rachel: Dont!! (Joey backs away frightened.)
[The final one is from Episode 607: The One Where Phoebe Runs, Joey has been trying to repel Janice and sees its not working to his liking so hes confronting her about the sexual tension.]
Janine: No! I mean you’re a really nice guy and I’m happy to be your roommate and your friend, I’m just y’know, I just don’t feel that way about you.
Joey: Oh! I see what happened. It’s because I was trying to repel you. Right? Believe me, you’d feel a lot different if I turned it on.
Janine: I don’t think so.
Joey: Oh, I do. (Gives her the Joey-love look.) How you doin?
Janine: I’m okay.
Joey: What?!?! Oh dear God!
[Cut to the interview.]
Joey: Not much to tell there Im really shy.
(The gang is confused.)
The Interviewer: So, thats it. I guess thats all I need. Thank you so much. I think they will be running this in the beginning of next month.
Joey: Oh great! Great! Thank you. (They shake hands.)
The Interviewer: Bye.
Joey: Bye-bye. (The interviewer leaves and he sits down with the rest of the gang.) I did it!
Rachel: Yeah!
Ross: Amazing! Amazing!
The Interviewer: (returning) Oh wait! I almost forgot. We have to ask everybody this. Other than Days of Our Lives, whats your favorite soap opera?
Joey: Oh, I dont watch soap operas. Excuse me, I have a life, yknow?
(The gang is disappointed.)
The Interviewer: Thank you. The readers at Soap Opera Digest will be happy to hear that.
Joey: Oh, good to know. (The interviewer leaves.) So close!
Rachel: Wow! I cant believe they didnt put it in the part where you said you didnt watch soap operas.
Joey: Yeah, I called the lady about that. I told her I was just joking. She was pretty nice about that.
Monica: You slept with her didnt you?
Joey: Little bit, yeah.
Ross: Wow! This picture of you sure is steamy.
Joey: Oh yeah, thats just a little something for my huge gay fan base. (Winks at him.)
Ross: Did you just wink at me?
Joey: Hey, youre the one that loves the picture.